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The book I’ve read the most is by far, “Way of the Peaceful Warrior.”

In the book, the secondary character asks a question to the protagonist, which you can use in your own life if you’re interested in building a fulfilling life. In essence, a life that’s worth remembering.

Anyways, short story long:

The main character in the book is Dan (the author himself).

He meets this strange guy at a gas station, Socrates, who takes Dan on a journey that will completely transform his life.

Socrates uses stories, metaphors, and questions to teach Dan about how to live a fulfilling life.

In the book, Socrates asks Dan a deviously simple question, which is the one I’d like you to think about.

Here’s the question from the book (and don’t let the simplicity of the question turn you off. There’s a profound lesson to learn from it.):

“Are you happy?”

Wow.

Three words. Just three words. And possibly one of the most powerful questions you could ever ask yourself.

Think about it…

According to WHO, more than 264 million people of all ages suffer from depression today.

And millions suffer from low self-esteem and low self-worth.

Bottom line:

The only thing that matters in your life is whether you’re happy or not.

You can amass more money than Scrooge McDuck and still be unhappy.

You can find the perfect partner who’s giving you everything you ever wanted and still be unhappy.

You can get the perfect job and still be unhappy.

You can build an amazing business as you’ve always dreamed of and still be unhappy.

Because in the end, how you feel about yourself when you’re by yourself is all that matters.

And in my humble, but extremely accurate, opinion most people aren’t able to answer the simple question from Peaceful Warrior. Most people would say something like:

“Well, yeaaah, I guess I’m pretty happy.” or, “I think so.” or, “Not really…”

Look, unless you’re able to, without any hesitation, confidently say: “Hell yeah, I’m happy!” you probably got some internal work to do.

But how do you build a life that fulfills every area of your life?

It’s simple (although not necessarily easy).

It starts with your internal psychology.

Yes, happiness is an inside job!

And one of the essential elements in my book, The TRUST Method, is how you build an unbreakable psychology and develop mental toughness.

You’ll also learn how to build genuine trust with anyone…and…influence them to take action.

Sound good?

You can check out the book via the almighty link below:

www.amazon.com/dp/8797085502/

Kristian Thaulow

Several moons ago, a “helpful” reader reached out to me.

And, like the kind soul he was, he wanted to provide me with some “constructive feedback.”

Kristians #1 rule of criticism:

“When people say they’re going to give you constructive feedback, they’re only giving you their opinion, not actual valuable advice.”

Anyway, he said something along the lines of that he felt my blog posts, videoes, etc. were too long, and he never got around to read them.

As such, he wanted me to make them shorter.

Not going to happen, Sparky.

Here’s the thing:

We all have our own “map of the world.” Basically, we don’t see the world and the people around us as they are. We see them as we are.

For example:

If I believe that every single person on the face of this planet is scheming to put me down, guess what… I’m going to look for proof that my assumption is true. And, since I’m searching for it, it’s going to happen to me, in one way, shape or form.

It’s not a spiritual concept.

It’s a fact.

The majority of all people will project their own insecurities, doubts, fears, and opinions onto you.

Clients, lovers, friends, family, acquaintances, suppliers, bosses, co-workers, etc.

Most people WILL do this.

And if you let people’s irrelevant opinions and “feedback” get to you, it’s going to limit your potential in your business, or life in general.

Of course, all this is simply my very humble, but *very* accurate opinion.

The key to masterfully handle situations like this is to develop unbreakable confidence with a healthy balance of self-esteem.

Because once you embody authentic and unfiltered confidence and self-esteem, nothing can diminish you.

The best part is that there’s an actual process of how to achieve this.

I reveal exactly how to do this in my book, The TRUST Method on pages 39-55.

You’ll learn how to overcome setbacks, uncertainty, and even failure.

If you’re curious, you can read all about the book on its Amazon page, here:

www.amazon.com/dp/8797085502/

Kristian Thaulow

A couple of months ago, I was on a date with a girl who was an extra in a Bollywood movie.

A little bit of context:

She’ a 6 feet tall Scandinavian girl with long blonde hair, very blue eyes, and very, very long legs.

Let’s just say; she stuck out like a shore thumb when she was walking around the city.

Anyway, at one point, there’s this guy who approached her and asked if she would like to be a part of a new movie. An actual Bollywood movie! He wanted her to play an Australian diving instructor.

She hesitated a little bit.

But, eventually, she gently said, “okay, sure.”

“Exactly what have I gotten myself into?” was her first thought.

But her next thought is fascinating and very relevant if you’re in a leadership position:

“…but what’s the worst that can happen? Worst case, I’ve got a great story to tell when I get home!”

Here’s my point:

If you want to change something in your life – the results in your business, your relationship, your health, etc. – you can attack this process in two different ways:

1. You can convince yourself that it’s going to be extremely difficult, annoying, and a pain in the butt.

Or…

2. Approach the situation like the girl I was dating: Have a positive focus, find the best possible way to solve it, and look at the problem as it is. Not worse than it is, but not better than it is.

Whatever choice you decide to make is always up to you.

But you ALWAYS have a choice.

And not making a choice is ALSO a choice.

The point is, in the end, it’s always up to you.

For example, all my coaching clients have also made the choice to change their situation.

They decided to contact me…talk about a possible strategy to reach their goals…and some of them decided to get my help personally.

I want to give you the same opportunity.

If you want to become the best possible leader you can be…influence your team to achieve bigger and better results…or handle any difficult conversation with ease, then my leadership coaching program might be a good fit for you.

Use the contact form here, and let’s start with a complimentary Strategy Session, and let’s see how I might be able to help you.

www.powerfulexecutive.com/contact/

Kristian Thaulow

Two years ago, I was responsible for arranging a bachelor party for my best friend, who’s extremely afraid of heights.

So, as the great friend that I am, I obviously planned an activity that took place 160+ feet up in the air.

Specifically, an obstacle course suspended 164 feet up in the air.

And there’s actually an excellent leadership lesson (and life lesson in general) hidden in this experience.

Here’s what happened:

The first two to three obstacle courses we had to go through were, in hindsight, relatively simple. But, because we were suspended 160+ feet up in the air and looking down on the solid concrete floor and different shipping containers below us, just getting to the opposite side was a little harder than it normally would.

Anyway, at one point, I decided to try and overcome my innate fear.

So I started to lean out into my harness without holding on to anything.

Simply to overcome my fear.

And, it’s funny, after I did that, the rest of the obstacle course started to become relatively simple. Where some of the other guys were struggling to keep going because they didn’t want to let go of their ropes, I could pretty easily go through the different challenges because I didn’t have a problem with letting go.

Which brings me to the lesson I want to share with you:

In general, we only have two types of fears as an adult:

1) The fear we won’t be enough

2) The fear we won’t be loved

In this case of the obstacle course, the fear of not being enough was going through our nervous system. Why? Because, what if we didn’t have the physical or mental strength to complete the circuit.

But, since I decided to face my fear head-on and see for myself that I actually had everything I needed to complete the circuit, that fear more or less evaporated.

My point?

Everything in life is time and repetition.

If you want to lose weight, you need time and repetition to do the right things like training regularly and eating healthy 80% of the time. You don’t lose weight just because you’ve eaten one healthy meal or done one training session.

If you want more clients in your business, you need time and repetition to find those clients and show them how you’re their best possible option to solve whatever problem your business solves.

If you want to inspire and become a better leader, you need time and repetition to work on your leadership skills.

Moral of the story?

Whatever your goal is in life, business, or relationship, you need to master your inner psychology.

The best part?

In my book, The TRUST Method, you get a simple, step-by-step plan that shows you actually how to do this. Plus, how to inspire anyone to take action…how to be more efficient…subtle leadership mistakes you MUST avoid…and much, much more.

You can check everything you get via the link, here:

www.amazon.com/dp/8797085502/

Kristian Thaulow

Today I’d like to share a business strategy and leadership mindset with you.

It’s called the “Polarity of Leadership.”

Let me give you an example to explain what it is and how to use it in your current situation:

Think back to when you were a kid.

You’ve probably tried the classic experiment with the two magnets. The one where you placed the North and South pole of the magnets together. What would happen? They would stick, right? But what happened when you placed the same poles together?

The magnets would repel each other.

So, what’s the underlying lesson here?

For example, look at the success of Disney.

Their success would never have happened without Walt Disney’s vision and creativity.

However, if he didn’t have his brother, Roy Disney, to handle all the financial and strategic decisions, Disney would never have become the financial juggernaut it is today.

Disney’s success is the perfect example of the Polarity of Leadership.

And it’s not just Disney.

In fact, you can find examples of the Polarity of Leadership in everything—even in parenting.

On the one hand, you can be too strict with your kids. On the other hand, you can be too loose.

You run into the same polarity when you are leading your team.

For example:

One polarity is being too close to your team.

The opposite polarity is being too emotionally distant.

Let’s be honest, very few people want to follow a cold and calculating robot — unless you’re a diehard “Westworld” fanatic, I guess. They want someone to lead and appreciate them as human beings. Being a leader doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be their friend. You need that professional distance. But if you never show any emotion, people won’t trust you, and they won’t follow you.

The Polarity of Leadership is just one of the dozens of little-known tips and strategies I talk about in my book, “The TRUST Method.”

If you’re curious and want to take your leadership skills and your business results to the next level, my book is a great place to start.

Here’s the link:

www.amazon.com/dp/8797085502/

Kristian Thaulow

A couple of weeks ago, I read a quote I hadn’t seen in a while.

And, there’s a great similarity between this quote and any type of success you’re hoping to achieve — whether in your business, personal relationship, personal goals, etc.

Here’s the quote:

“None can destroy iron, but its own rust can! Likewise, none can destroy a person, but its own mindset can!” – Ratan Tata

Think about it:

Your success as a leader, or a manager, ultimately comes down to one thing:

Your ability to control your inner psychology. Your mindset, depending on which term you prefer.

It’s all about mental mastery.

Question is… how do you achieve this “mental mastery”?

How do you build an unbreakable inner psychology and mental strength that will help you push through every challenge and setback you face?

Let me explain:

Imagine you’re put in an extremely stressful life-threatening situation. You’ve never had any training. You’re not at all prepared. And you have absolutely no clue about what to do.

How do you think your body is going to react?

You’re probably panting, sweating, and you’re nervous.

Now, let’s use that same example. But instead of never having done any type of training, you’ve trained for this exact situation hundreds, maybe thousands of times in the past.

How do you think you’re going to react in this scenario?

Calm. Collected. Focused. It’s knowing what to do. You are getting the job done and not being swept away by fear. It’s still a dangerous situation, but since you’ve done the work up-front, you know that you’re able to solve this problem.

And not only that, you’re focused on controlling the things that are actually within your sphere of control.

Again, the difference lies in the preparation and the mindset of focusing on what you’re able to control.

And it’s this difference in preparation and mindset that separates the best of the best from the mediocre leaders.

Your inner psychology truly is the bottleneck of all your results and success in every area of your life.

The bottom line?

The bottleneck of any business is the mental mastery of its leader.

You’re welcome to disagree (it isn’t against the law to be wrong).

Which brings me to the rub of all this:

For example, in my book “The TRUST Method,” I’ve identified three critical leadership mindset shifts that are going to take your business from good to amazing.

I reveal everything on pages 32-36.

If you’re interested in taking your leadership skills to the next level, my book might be an excellent place to explore. You can read all about the book via the almighty link, here:

www.amazon.com/dp/8797085502/

Kristian Thaulow

Here’s something you didn’t know.

I used to be the world champ when it came to setting New Year’s resolutions. I say “world champ,” but what I really mean is failing miserably a few weeks later.

However, after hundreds of failed attempts, I decided that this “strategy” probably wasn’t the best type of accomplishment to put on my resume.

Let me ask you: How many times have you decided to make a change, for example during New Years, only to find yourself right back into your old habits and routines?

Don’t feel bad. This happens to most of us. In fact, according to some research over 80% of people fail their New Year’s resolutions before they even hit February.

So what’s the difference between people who fail year after year with their New Year’s resolution, or goals in general, versus the most successful people?

Here’s the truth.

The most successful people are playing a completely different game than most other people. New Year’s resolutions or stupid pointless tactics are not even on their radar. Where most people bring a water pistol to the battlefield — the most successful people bring a bulletproof tank.

I’m here to tell you that you can create the life and business you want. But you’ll have to rewire yourself into the type of person who’s worthy of that success.

Let me explain.

The #1 roadblock people face when trying to achieve… anything

When people try to achieve any type of goal (e.g., losing weight, starting a new business, improving their relationship) most often, they’re looking at their goals in reverse.

Here’s what I mean:

People have a peculiar tendency to set these arbitrary goals without understanding their inner psychology before they set off to find a motivating goal. I use the word “motivating” with the highest amount of sarcasm because motivation, in and of itself, is a terrible focus. Why? Because motivation is not what creates lasting change, it’s only what gets you started.

You can be the world’s most motivated person, but, if you don’t have an inner drive to do what you set out to do that motivation will eventually evaporate, and you’ll be right back into your old habits.

If you don’t understand the psychology behind goal setting, you are inevitably setting yourself up for failure.

Here’s where the problems start to surface.

In general, people fixate on the tactical elements of “how to” achieve their goal. You can call it strategy, mission, or vision, but whatever you decide to call it the problem doesn’t change. If you don’t change your fundamental way of who you are, you’re going to self-sabotage your progress at some point.

Think about it: Imagine I’m 50 lbs overweight. Then, I’m 50 lbs overweight for a reason. It’s because of my habits, beliefs, and values that I’m where I am right now. If I’m EVER going to change my situation, I need to change who I am.

The brutal truth is that the person you are now will never be able to achieve the goal you’ve set. If you want to accomplish anything new, you have to rewire your brain to become what I call a new “persona.”

Your current persona is everything which makes you… you. It’s your habits, your way of thinking, your daily routines, your beliefs, your values, etc. If you don’t change your current persona and create a new persona, a version 2.0, you won’t be successful.

And to do that, you need a compelling vision, mission, and strong guiding principles to help you guide your decisions.

What’s your guiding mission, vision, and principles?

Look at this statistic.

300 million people around the world are suffering from depression.

Plus, even those people who, on the outside, look successful can suffer from depression too. So even if we might achieve the type of “success” which society defines as success, at the end of the day, it’s worthless if we don’t feel fulfilled.

Setting and achieving goals is essential to create a compelling future and build confidence. But, goals without fulfillment are meaningless.

Be honest: How many times have you achieved a goal — you became “successful” — but you ended up feeling like you were missing something? “Is this it?” is a common feeling people have when achieving something they’ve pursued for a long time.

My goal for 2019 is to help people like you realize your potential. And help you achieve the goals you set out to do. Whether you own your business, work for someone else, or are the CEO of a Fortune 500 company here’s my commitment to you:

You’ll only get battle-tested and actionable strategies that you can use in your business and life when you read my material. No fluff. No B.S. Only the #1 thing that matters: Results.

Question is this: Where do we start?

Everything starts by having a compelling vision, mission, and principles to guide you towards your ultimate version of yourself, your business and your life. Let me show you how you do it:

What the movie Coach Carter taught me about success

I love this quote: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

I remember hearing this quote from the movie ‘Coach Carter.’ (You can watch the clip below.)

The quote is a variant from the book ‘A Return to Love’ by Marianne Williamson

This quote is so powerful and so accurate because every one of us has more potential than we give ourselves credit for. We are powerful beyond measure. Unfortunately, people are putting a massive ceiling on their success because of one thing:

Fear.

But at its core fear is just a story we tell ourselves.

You’re not bound by the stories from your past.

You’re not bound by the stories you believe will or will not happen in the future.

You’re only bound by the decisions you make in this moment — nothing else.

Your future is created today, in this moment, in this second. And the truth is, you can engineer a new compelling future for your business, your relationship, and your life. But it all starts with deciding that 2019 will be the year that you pursue complete fulfillment.

How to make 2019 your most fulling year ever

Here’s my challenge to you for 2019. I want you to do these 3 things:

Step #1: Set aside 1 hour this week. Use that time to create your compelling vision, mission, and your principles that will help you achieve your vision.

If you already work in a company which has its own vision, mission, and principles, that’s fine. If that’s the case, start to create a compelling vision to your own life.

Ask yourself:

Vision: Where do you want to go

Mission: How do you plan to get there?

Principles: What are the fundamental beliefs your philosophy and map of the world are built on?

A great example of guiding principles are Amazon’s 14 leadership principle. These 14 principles guide every single decision Amazon makes. People can have the best idea ever, but, if that idea doesn’t serve their leadership principles, the idea will get dropped.

They’re a great example of how to create powerful guiding principles to use as inspiration. I’ve outlined the 14 principles below, but if you’re curious, you can read a detailed description of each principle on Amazon’s website here.

Amazon’s 14 leadership principles:

  1. Customer Obsession
  2. Ownership
  3. Invent and Simplify
  4. Are Right, A Lot
  5. Learn and Be Curious
  6. Hire and Develop the Best
  7. Insist on the Highest Standards
  8. Think Big
  9. Bias for Action
  10. Frugality
  11. Earn Trust
  12. Dive Deep
  13. Have Backbone; Disagree and Commit
  14. Deliver Results

Step #2: Instead of adding more things to your life, focus on eliminating the stuff that doesn’t support your new compelling future. Be ruthless. Focus on removing everything which does not contribute genuine value to your life and business.

Step #3: Finally, the most critical step: Put all this in your calendar, so you remember to focus on it every day. There really is no excuse. You have to stay focused on your vision.

Fulfillment doesn’t happen by chance or luck.

Fulfillment happens by design and relentless focus.

“Don’t be defined by someone else’s standards, have your own definition of success.” Duke Matlock

What if you could leapfrog your competition and effortlessly create a compelling vision and mission for your team?

What if you could retain your best A players and create engaged and empowered team members?

I’ve created a FREE case-study where you’ll discover the “Hidden Leverage Blueprint” that will increase your profitability by 6 or multiple 7 figures.

And that’s not all.

It’s also a powerful strategy that will reduce your employee turnover, as well as show you the ONLY 4 leverage points you should focus on to take your business from “good” to “amazing.”

If you’re interested, click this link now. You’ll get free instant access.

If you’ve ever had to hire somebody or manage a team, you know it can be one of the biggest causes of misery in your ENTIRE business existence.

You have all the best intentions, you try new things, implement new ideas, but it can still feel like an uphill battle to keep people motivated.

The problem with the typical incentives

It gets even harder once your team seems negative in one way or another. It can feel like hitting your head against a brick wall. And what do we usually do?

We try things like new incentives like cash prices, an all-expenses-paid vacation, or something as simple as a day off. But, those things are more of a “throw it against the wall and see what sticks” approach. For sure, they definitely produce results, but, in general only short-term.

If you don’t fix the real issue, no amount of new incentives, cash prices or more days off, is going to fix the problem. Otherwise, it’s only a matter of time before your team is right back to their old habits — it’s human nature.

The “Iceberg Metaphor”: Uncovering the unspoken truths in your team

If you manage a team, or if you own your own business, you know how much time your business life takes up your time. You might be able to “park the problems” at the office, but sometimes they still run around in our mind, consciously or unconsciously.

Besides, problems like leading a team — who seems extremely negative all the time — don’t only affect your business… It can have a massive impact on your health, too. And the worst part is, we don’t always notice it ourselves.

The frustration alone when our team doesn’t perform at the level you know they’re able to can inevitably lead to a lot of stress.

One of my private clients actually had this problem.

During one of our sessions he told me:

“My team is expressing all this negativity and pessimism about the new direction of the company. And I can’t figure out why.”

Ugh, can’t you just feel the internal struggles going on his mind?

  • “Should I create a sales competition?”
  • “Should I do this?”
  • “Should I do that?”

Without a real strategy, your “world-class” tactics are nothing but a commodity

And at the end of the day, things like sales competitions, they’re nothing but tactics. And tactics become commoditized.

What works is having a strategy.

So here’s what I told him:

“Honestly, the solution is pretty simple.” He instantly became more curious.

I continued. “If your team is not performing, that’s not their fault. It’s your fault. If your customers aren’t buying, it’s not their fault they don’t understand how great your product is, it’s your fault.”

The best of the best in the world don’t become the best by accident. They always take massive ownership of everything which happens in their world. They know that the highest and best use of their time is to focus on the things they can control.

The goal here is not to blame yourself, blame is not a very productive emotion. Instead, you focus on what’s going on “below the surface.”

Think about the “Iceberg Metaphor”:

90% of the iceberg is below the surface. So, ask yourself “what’s really going on with my team, since they seem so negative? What are they not telling me? What is the unspoken truth?”

People tell you the truth once they feel safe, once they trust you, once they believe you actually care about them.

The power of asking amazing questions, at the right time

Here’s my recommendation to you:

Pull out a piece of paper, a Google doc or something you can you use to create your own “Questions Vault.” This will become your own, personal toolbox of great questions you can use in different situations. Don’t worry about the modality, just focus on getting some great questions down on paper.

I would recommend that you brainstorm AT LEAST 5 great questions, you can use in different scenarios. Some of my favorite questions I use with my clients are questions like:

  • “What’s the real challenge here?”
  • “What’s the #1 takeaway you got from this conversation?”
  • “If you could only focus on one thing right now, what would it be?”

The point is if you want new results in your business, but you don’t change your strategy. Sorry to say, nothing is going to change. But once you take massive ownership of everything which happens around you, it doesn’t take long before you see new results.

If you want more actionable strategies I’ve put together a FREE case study that will show you my “Hidden Leverage Blueprint” that will increase your company’s profitability by 6 or 7 figures this year.

Here’s what you’ll discover in the case study:

  • How to RETAIN your best A players and reduce your employee turnover significantly
  • Subtle leadership principles that will transform your team into a finely tuned, high performing, and well-oiled machine
  • The ONLY 4 leverage points that will take your business from “good” to “amazing”
  • And much, much more…

Click the link here and you’ll get free instant access to the case study.

Have you ever heard someone say:

“I just need to FEEL more motivated, then I’ll get started”?

Honestly, I think most people want to feel more motivated. But the truth is, if you’re waiting for this sudden spark of motivation, you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Instead, the real way to become motivated has nothing to do with having motivation as a goal. It’s about having a strategy that you use when your motivation is at its peak.

So today, I’ll show you a simple 3-step formula to help you reach your goals, faster.

The motivational wave

The real problem with motivation is motivation isn’t a constant factor

Scientists call this the “motivational wave,” which is exactly what it sounds like.

For example, when we try to get in shape, we’re usually on a roll for a couple of weeks, but eventually, we end up right back to where we started.

Or, when we attend different seminars, we’re inspired and motivated to use everything we’ve learned. But after a while, what happens?we’re right back into our old routine.

What’s the real problem with motivation?

It’s funny. I could give you the perfect tactic RIGHT NOW that would make you feel more motivated.

And honestly, it would work for a couple of days, but what happens after the 14-day mark? You would be right back to where you started.

So the real problem with motivation isn’t that we lack knowledge. We don’t even need more stuff like new iPhone apps to help us stay on track.

No, the real problem is our psychology.

You don’t even have to look far for the perfect example of why the real problem isn’t a tactical issue.

Look at the weight loss industry. There’s more information about “how to lose weight” than EVER before. There’s books, courses, personal trainers, online programs, there’s a TON of information.

So let’s be honest, in general, people know how to do it: Eat less, exercise more, cut out processed food.

But, they’re still not doing anything about it. Let’s be honest, they could do something as simple as a Google search to get them started.

But, they’re still not doing what they should do.

How to use the science of motivation to reach your goals, faster

So if productivity apps and other tactics don’t work, what should you do?

It’s all about harnessing your motivation to help you PLAN OUT your goal. What I mean by that is, you use your motivation to create a plan when you’re at your BEST — not when you’re at your worst.

Jim Rohn had the perfect quote about motivation, he said:

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” – Jim Rohn

He said that years before scientists discovered the concept of “motivational waves.” Again, the goal is to use motivation to PLAN OUT your goal when you’re at your best, not at your worst.

Here’s a simple framework to help you harness your motivation to reach your goals more efficiently.

Step #1:

Be extremely clear about WHAT you want.

Be as specific as you possibly can. You can use these questions to get started:

  • “What do I really want?”
  • “When do I want to reach it?”
  • “Is this relevant for me, right now?”

I always recommend my clients to focus on a goal they can reach within the next 100 days. Why? Because 100 days from now is not too far away and it’s not too short. In general, you don’t want to focus on goals so far out in the future, that you end up forgetting everything about them.

So just stick to a goal you can reach with the next 100 days, and make it as specific as possible.

Step #2:

The next step is where your psychology comes into effect.

Be brutally honest: WHY do you want this?

One of my mentors once said that success is 80% psychology and only 20% details. What he meant was, if we don’t have a very clear purpose and a STRONG reason WHY we should aim for something, we’ll never do it!

There’s a lot of research in both psychology and neuroscience to back this up. If we don’t have strong enough reasons to do something, we naturally fall back into our old habits.

Again, think back to the weight loss industry example. People know they should lose weight. But if they believe that it’s too much hard work, it’s boring, and they have to give up all the foods they love forever. Guess what, they are never going to lose that weight.

The point is if your goal is just “nice to have” and not “need to have” your subconscious mind will take over, and it’s only a matter of time before you’re back to your old habits

Step #3:

The next part is pretty straightforward.

At this point, you already know two things: (1) you know what you want, (2) you know why you want it.

Those two things are the hard part. Right now, you only have to outline how to reach your goal and start with the smallest piece.

Start outlining 5 specific action steps. Just be clear. You already know what you want. So what are the steps you need to take to reach it? Keep things simple.

Once you have at least 5 action steps, find the action step you can tackle right now to get started.

Become a top performer by understanding your psychology

We all know we should do certain things, but we don’t do them.

And the real problem is, we don’t have strong enough reasons to do them and follow through.

But once you understand how your own psychology can work against you, you’ve already taken a huge step in becoming a top performer.

Once you lay out the three steps: (1) what you want, (2) why you want it, (3) how you’re going to achieve it, you’ve done more hard work upfront than most people do.

So, here’s my challenge to you:

What was the #1 thing that surprised you the most about this post?

Share your biggest surprise in the comments below. I read every comment.

A few of weeks back, I heard a great story about a psychology professor.

He gave all his students a piece of paper, with a black dot in the middle.

He said, “I want you to write about what you see here for the next hour.”

Once his students were finished writing, he took all the reports and read them out loud. Every single one of his students wrote about the same thing:

The black dot.

Then he asked then, “It’s funny how every one of you wrote about the black dot. I’m curious, why didn’t any of you write about the white part of the paper?”

Here’s what he meant:

In life, it’s easy to focus on our own little “black dots.” Things like health issues, our finances, complicated relationships. And, what happens if we only focus on those black dots?

We feel irritated, stressed, disappointed (not really productive emotions). We often do the same thing when something didn’t go as we’d planned or when we’re afraid to try new things.

We focus on what could go wrong — the black dot — instead of focusing on what could go right.

So today, you’ll discover the same strategy my private executive clients use to effortlessly overcome any kind of failure.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

It’s a simple strategy, but once you internalize it you’ll be able to implement it with your team and your relationship.

The little lies we tell ourselves

Imagine you’re watching a football game, and there are thousands of people are cheering for their favorite team.

Then one of the teams gets the first touchdown.

The crowd goes berserk and the announcer’s scream run through the speakers like a racehorse on steroids. Now imagine all this noise is happening inside your own head.

In psychology, this is your self-talk. It’s that little voice inside your head commenting on your life.

Here’s the thing…

The words we say are usually a lot different from the words we’re thinking. Especially when we’re afraid of something that might fail:

A new business idea, investor meetings, difficult conversations with our team.

We say things like:

  • “Honestly, it’s just not the right time right now. Maybe next month?”
  • “I would love to do XYZ, but I just don’t have time”
  • “I don’t have enough money”
  • “It’s a good idea, but I don’t think it will work in this market”

Are any of these true? The short (and boring) answer is… it depends.

Most of the time it’s just an underlying fear of failing. Disguised as excuses like time, money or experience.

For example:

GOING TO THE GYM

  • WHAT WE SAY: “I’d like to lose the last 5 lbs. But, I just don’t have time”
  • WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS: “I didn’t reach my goal the last time I did this. Why would I reach it now? I don’t want to feel like a failure”

STARTING A BUSINESS

  • WHAT WE SAY: “I’ve been thinking about starting my own business. But, I just don’t have enough money to get things started”
  • WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS: “I’m scared it won’t work out. I don’t want my family to say ‘See, I told you it wouldn’t work’”

The “invisible frames” that are controlling your life

Here’s what fear of failure really is:

It’s a belief of what might, or might not, happen. I call this “Invisible Frames.”

Think back to the story from before about the black dot. If you only focus on the black dot, you’re trapped inside your own Invisible Frame.

And, when you’re trapped inside an Invisible Frame one thing’s for sure:

You’ll never find a solution to solve your problem.

Instead, what if you could use your fear of failing, as the ultimate form of motivation? Motivation to take more chances, have that difficult conversation with your spouse or finally go to the gym.

Question is, how?

You only need to change your Invisible Frame. Luckily, you don’t need a lot of practice to change it. In fact, you’ll learn how in under 30 seconds.

Failing is not a failure. Failing is feedback

We all have something we keep putting off.

Let’s say you have something you’ve been putting off, maybe a week, a month… half a year. It doesn’t matter what it is, just come up with something.

Then, start off by using The 5 Why Technique.

If you don’t know The 5 Why Technique, it’s dead simple: You ask yourself “why XYZ” five times. That’s really all there is to it.

For example:

The problem: You should prepare your presentation for the next manager’s meeting. But somehow, you always end up in front of the T.V., binge-watching old episodes of The Wire.

  • Why? You’re too tired when you get home and should prepare a presentation for an upcoming meeting
  • Why are you so tired? Your head is spinning because of 10 different meetings during the day
  • Why is your calendar filled up with meetings? You feel it’s important that you attend those meetings
  • Why do you feel you need to attend those meetings? Because you can’t motivate yourself enough to prepare the presentation, so you keep putting it off
  • Why can’t you motivate yourself to do the presentation? You’re afraid everybody thinks the presentation isn’t good enough

True behavioral change happens when you understand the root of the problem. The 5 Why Technique is the perfect tool to find the problem… behind the problem.

Now you understand the problem. Next, you need to get your psychology straight. Let’s dive into how you easily overcome any fear of failing. It’s called The Failure Feedback Strategy.

The best part? It’s simple.

Let’s imagine you have to start a new business. You’re excited, you’re motivated, and then…

You feel your stomach turning. What if it doesn’t work? What if it fails? What if you’re going to look like a failure?

In that split-second when you feel the mental resistance, say this:

The Failure Feedback Strategy: “No matter what happens, it’s not a failure. It’s feedback.”

Essentially, when you feel you’ve failed, it’s only because of one thing:

Your result didn’t match your expectations.

Think back to the famous quote from Thomas Edison.

“ I have not failed 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” — Thomas Edison
The truth is, failure is only your own interpretation of what happened to you. That’s why getting your psychology straight comes first, tactics come second.

Top performers have a very specific mindset:

They spend 90% of their time on the solution. Only 10% on the problem.

Conclusion

We all fail. The real question isn’t whether or not you’ll fail.

It’s only a matter of when!

At the end of the day you have two choices:

You can let fear of failing control you, or…

You can control your fear of failure, by changing the meaning from failure to feedback

All behavioral change in your life starts with brutal honesty. Remember: when you fear you might fail, that’s only your expectation of what might happen (or won’t happen).

So, to overcome any fear of failure, this is what you do:

(1) use The 5 Why Technique, and then (2) use The Failure Feedback Strategy: “It’s not a failure. It’s feedback.”